fall
I tried so hard to dip my feet in just another long lost weekend mismatched socks and its all fine clocked in at 9
the air is cold and I can breathe now illuminate my icy fingers I'll hold on to yours real tight real tight
dream of castles in the sea dream of long tall grass of green I see forests I feel clean just hold my hand and jump with me
like everythings on fire mind is hurting with the memories I hate when I love this place debate what made me stay
like everythings so cold wind slapping me around heavy feet on solid ground
I tried to run and just kept going just another piece of home not wasting precious time of beautiful cruel life
the air is warm down here don't leave now keep company and see how we'll stick together be all right be all right!
silly song! ^ the chill in the air is back and so now I can think properly and feel properly. first of all I think I want to live somewhere where the air is like this all the time. I feel this strange tenderness and clarity when I think about the past this week. Im feeling grateful in depth I didn't know before and at the same time, grief, distant and close at the same time. whenever I get stuck, her paintings snap me out of it like a bad dream. thanks, angel. I know I am capable. and I think I'm realizing I don't want to be cooped up forever. very much missing the days of part-time jobs and sleeping in and making art whenever I wanted. wishing I could do that forever. I think it's very evil that our jobs take the majority of our lives. I mean I guess that is necessary for so many things to function. like teachers and childcare and healthcare and even me at the gallery, we all need time. I guess there just isn't enough of it. and for me, my second job of putting my brain visions on paper has put me on leave of absence or something. but I want top come back so so so badly. I have learned my lesson, guys, universe. if I got to work half the time I would not waste it this time. let me cover canvases and make my stupid art all day, please, I'm begging! let me be ir/responsible let me explore and take my time in the way that I do with everything. imagine a world where we all pick pumpkins and squash from our front yards in the fall and that is our number one job, and we carve them out and make sweet yams with the children and the neighbors and that is our job. that the food we get is only with the seasons and that's what makes it special. that we see our loved ones every day and make art and food with them.