patience
it is completely hilarious (not funny at all actually) what happens to a person's brain when they are sick for days on end, coming off of being strung out because of a work project, no social interaction for days, and trying to find a job in a completely different city all while the world is on fire. do you think the spyware can see my typing this? I am crying over a mistake I made at work last week (again) and I already made another one this morning, by leaving my key at home (again) which my boyfriend had to bring to me at work (again). just when I think I have things together, the pieces fall apart. I'm just like that raccoon holding its bundle of carrots, dropping them over and over again but still stopping to pick them up despite it. when is it too much. I can tell mine and everyone else's patience is running thin. my brain is scattered and rusted over. I see myself in real time hefting that pickaxe over my shoulder, chipping away at the few good things in my life, and it's like I'm frozen in a dark dream, unable to stop her. unable to send the text. unable to follow through on my promises. the season is changing again and while a welcome sight indeed, I also feel this sense of un-belonging, the dissonant background hum that happens when a place is rejecting you.