revelations
This desk job has got my bones all messed up! Got my brain all messed too. Get up from the desk at 5:05 and stretch. \
When my friends write and make art and make music it reminds me that my voice deserves to be heard too, because i love hearing my friends voices\
I moved out of frog house and i didn’t have a big cry about it, looking out a window and tearful goodbyes like i had imagined. It was way more sad than that. sweat and too little time to even think to feel. The past few weeks I feel a pulsing under my skin that bubbles up hot and ugly every few days. Makes me lash out and feel monstrous things. I think that’s what grief is, not the romantic tears. \
I am trying to let go of shame, shame of me and of what I feel, shame of what others do and feel. That’s a kind of grief on its own. The kind of grief where you know you gotta let go and it’s time but you really, really, don’t want to. \
*I curl my body upwards from its spiral shape and unfold, standing tall, cracking and popping. I walk away from my grey desk grey table and I actually look at the painting that’s been in front of my eyes all day. *