time loop
I keep getting stuck in a loop. That's what it feels like most days.
work, eat, sleep, shower, work, eat, sleep, shower.
bits of light shine in between, like when you're driving on the freeway at sunset and little windows of sunshine blip between the swaths of tree.
I mainly get stuck in a thought loop. do thing that makes me feel bad -> feel bad -> think about person who makes me feel sad -> feel sad -> brain exits body and floats into space -> rinse, and repeat. I keep looking for crumbs in the past, crumbs from breads long stale... why? distraction from my burning toast?
it's not actually all bad though! just in blips, it is. trying to remember my (old) promise to myself (from two weeks ago) to stay true and get better and do it out of love. that's why I'm writing right now!! to break the loop. lets think of the good things I did to break the loop today:
- went on a walk and to the library to work when I felt bogged down
- finished an entire book in three days
- chewed gum and wrote this blog
- did and wrote down my work tasks
- thought about the possibility of a dear friend moving close, which cheered me
- texted my dear friend who is living in the city I want to move to! and felt excited for the future
- last night I stretched my hips until they stopped popping like they always do and it felt really good, reminder to do so again, except when I get home because at work I'm not allowed to roll around on the floor with my feet in the air.
OK grace, what are you gonna do now? with the rest of today? lets make a plan together. I am going to go get a snack and an energy drink after I finish writing this. I will also fill up my water bottle. then, I'll sit somewhere outside and eat with no phone r distraction out, just food and air. Then, I will go back in the library, sit down, and finish my digital tasks for the day. After that I can walk back down to my office and try re-organizing my desk area. if they're still painting and I can't access the hallways, I'll put some fun music on and patch the walls all up. that sounds like a fulfilling day. Should only really take like 3 hours. what if I time myself and see how fast I can do it???!!! And if I do these things I'll let myself go home early, while I still can. Today is looking up! break the loop break the loooooooop bro